moonchild, pt 2.

If you missed part one, see here.

Recently she got married (for the 4th time, mind you)
& this will be the 2nd wedding I wasn’t invited to.
Her new husbands daughter stood where I should’ve been standing.
She blocked me from seeing the pictures on FB…in my opinion she knew it was going to break my heart.
At 25 this STILL breaks my heart…
she’s my ONLY parent (like I said my real father is hardly involved…won’t even accept my friend request on FB sssooo)
I feel like such a baby
because I cry about this at least every other day.
I cry because I don’t feel like I belong anywhere,
I cry because I feel my mom let me down & continues to do so,
I cry because I worry what kind of mother I’ll be given the example I’ve had,
I cry because even with my amazing wonderful boyfriend by my side always…I still feel so fucking lonely.
And I feel almost guilty because maybe feeling this way is normal…
maybe this is what everyone goes thru when they enter adulthood
but I just don’t think so.
I see people having relationships with their mom that I would kill for….my mom doesn’t even call me to check on me…
I know I can’t change her, I’m done trying to change her, I’m done trying to make her see how fucking heart broken I am….because it all falls on deaf ears. 
If you have a child & you’re a single parent…it’s your job to extra love that baby, to make sure they know they belong with you, you have to love them twice as much because you’re the only one who matters.
This might be some petty feelings on my part…but I wouldn’t want my child feeling like this…even as an adult. It absolutely SUCKS not knowing where you belong or having a solid place you come from. 

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