Brittney, part two.

If you missed part one, see here

I got very mad at my mom

and we got into a really big fight.

I ended up punching her in the face

and my brother yelled at me,

and I am pretty sure if he could have killed me he would’ve.

My dad came over to my mom’s house and pinned me up against the wall with his hand around my throat yelling at me for hitting my mom.

At that point I was the deepest I ever been in my dark hole. I had suicidal thoughts before this mishap. I had carved people’s names into my arm that made me hurt. I cut myself and I wanted to die. I cut myself for the purpose of trying to feel something. When I cut myself it felt good, it felt like I was releasing all the pain and hurt I had in my body.

The night I hit my mom I had cut the deepest I had ever cut. It left scars. I wanted to die, thoughts ran through my mind about my mom and brother coming home to find me hanging in my closet or laying on my bed or my floor and I had bled out. Things never became normal after that.

I always felt like my entire family held it over my head. I didn’t think that I was worth being on the planet. At times I still think that. I still think that if I were to die a lot of people wouldn’t care if I wasn’t here anymore.

I stayed depressed and my mom took me to a therapist to talk about things and to hopefully help me with my depression.

I went to another doctor who gave me depression medicine that made me feel like a zombie. I took them because I was hoping it would help. They did but they didn’t.

My junior year I met the man I am going to marry next year.

We weren’t dating we just had a class together. The next year he ended up messaging me of Facebook and we started talking.

My depression didn’t really seem that strong anymore and I was starting to feel better, my relationship with my mom was growing better.

Me and Larry got together Janurary 10th 2012

and got engaged on Christmas Eve 2013.

When he asked me out a couple hours later my grandpa died.

Larry helped me a lot through my grandpas death.

He still does

and I just can’t thank him enough

 I always tell him that he is my hero and that he saved me.

Today, right now, I still have a bad insecurity about my weight, every now and then I get really depressed and I look to my fiance and family to help me out of it.

Things get bad but God doesn’t give you something he doesn’t think you can get through.

I have to remember to have faith and to remember that my family stands behind me, all the time.


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