Where have you been lately?

So here I am playing catch up on my blog and elsewhere in my life.

What else is new? So much shit has happened and I think my brain has finally had time to process it all. Like glitter on a DIY sorority night, my mind has been ALL over the place. 

This past year has been challenging for me in a variety of ways.

In January of 2015, my puppy (my baby) was recovering from a severely broken leg and my best friend from work, Larry, was becoming increasingly sick at an alarming rate.

Larry was my odd-ball. Picture the word ‘trouble’ in human form; that was Larry. I plan to write a post later to honor Larry, but I don’t think my brain has fully processed he will never walk through my work doors again.

 
In October of 2015, I became so ill that I was unable to work for more than three weeks. I suffer from chronic migraines and ovarian cysts which often leave me in the E.R or praying for death..or a lobotomy

 
Following this, my boyfriend had a SEVERE grand mal seizure and was out of work himself for over four months. Perfectly healthy, sexy 24 year old man….BAM!
The scariest night of my life.
I could not get P to respond to me and when I thought to call 911, his 200lb self, collapsed on my 100lb body. All I could do is scream and cry out for help. I will explain more on this too in an additional post.

 
As if this weren’t stressful enough, my father was diagnosed with Stage 9 prostate cancer in late November of 2015, a mere two days before Thanksgiving….way more on this, in time…

 
It was at this time that I became unable to pay my bills, as I was struggling with even finding enough money to buy basic necessities.
My personal issues added to the health issues of two of my family members and the added stress of finances created the perfect storm.
I say this not as an excuse, but as an explanation as to why I’ve been unable to act or think like myself. I also want to write about each of the above mentioned sad parts in great detail, but I know I’m not ready to open up about them yet.

 

 

But as shitty as things have gotten, I am so incredibly thankful for my support system.

My big brother J deserves a huge shout out.
Anytime I fall flat on my face, or need help, or just to be reminded that someone believes in me, all I have to do is turn around to see his face. Literally, when P had that seizure, I was in auto pilot and went to the gas station on my way to work.

As I started to get out of the car, everything hit me like a ton of bricks…the severity of the situation hit.

I was choking down tears as I looked up and saw J right there. He grabbed my face in both hands, squeezed my cheeks tight and told me to look in his eyes and breathe and explain why I was hysterically running into his arms. His wife looked at me as if I was bat shit crazy…which I am..and she knows, so she wasn’t surprised.

 

I’ve found out that sometimes family is what you make it, not what you were given.

 
My love P deserves an endless round of hand claps for sticking by me and riding this crazy ride with me. The first time we hung out was a shit show, it seems appropriate that our life should be that way too, right? It’s been hell baby, but thank you for never making me second guess anything in life.
I will go on more about my wonderful and loving support system, but I also want to give a shout out to my little fur babies- Ziggy and Cleo, my mommy, family, as well as my friends that always put up with my shit.

Shout out to you guys, I am more thankful than I can ever put into words.

 

xo, your little gypsy

ash

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One thought on “Where have you been lately?

  1. Wow! I’m so sorry. So much at one time. I wish I could help.

    Having grand mals & petite mals, suffering daily migraines with advancing symptoms, I CAN emphasize.

    Many of the woeful weeks when I was entirely lost in the backwoods of Louisiana with only a dog, abandoned by my wife for a healthy mate, unable to even drive myself to get groceries, I had seriously considered ending this existence. In so much pain, one can’t function, can’t think logically, & can’t do much more than sleep & watch silly dvds. Really what I felt more like was I wanted my life to end, not by my hand, but by the natural process. Of course, I would want to fade away at the same time as my little dog. She could not manage without me.

    I am on disability, have you considered that? Not as clear as I usually am, I hope this response makes sense. Suffering lots of crazy fatigue & vertigo for a couple weeks. I still haven’t really recovered from my early May Grand Mal. I look at them as a re-booting of the mind, if that helps your boyfriend. Somethings seem forgotten/lost, but I find they’re really just moved around in the brain. Time or another seizure can make those details be revealed. You’re still you, just re-started with a junk room of a brain re-organized seemingly by someone else.

    It WILL work out.

    Like

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